An Indeterminate State of Mind

 

Recent events in my existence have come and gone much as they presumably have done for all of God’s creatures: pain and joy, laughter and tears, work and play… many of the dichotomies that are part-and-parcel to the daily nomenclature of life. Notwithstanding a notice from my ephemeral source of employment and a disempowering touch of the belly bug, last week’s contents seemed to be somewhat insipid—perhaps the mists which lay heavy upon the valley are at the heart of my lackluster vision, or perchance, it is a restless propensity deep within me. I don’t know.

It is not that the true wonder and majestic nature of life is lost me, rather, that the circumstances in which I have found myself ‘feel’ less potent to evoke such ineffably grand insights (those to which the psalmist alludes: ‘they bring greater delight than drippings of honey, than even the sweetest nectar of the honeycomb’) as I would desire. Humankind has undoubtedly been created to partake in the resplendent riches made available to it ubiquitously; yet, how subtly the creepers and brambles encroach carrying the languor and burdensome cares of the terrene.

In the midst of what appears to be mundanity, I am often cognizant of the Creator’s inescapable goodness. I must confess, however, that I would much prefer to say: I am EVER aware of my maker’s goodness. As such, my thoughts and intentions are again being attracted to the ongoing horizon. The ‘path’ which for many serves as a metaphor is—and I hope that I do not exaggerate—for me, as integral as the air.  

“The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men, gang aft agley, an' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain for promis'd joy!” (Robert Burns) How many have tested the time honored axiom and found it to be true? Thankfully, though many plans are in a man’s heart, it is the Lord who reveals his path. What I say often reflects what I think I intend to do, and what I plan constantly goes awry. I am beset by the imprecations of a blighted past; the way in which to go frequently appears ambiguous, and I am uncertain about decisions, second guessing at nearly every turn. However, of this I am confident: My God will continue to lead.